Give me a break!!

My phone rings....

"Respirtory, this is IE."

I need a breathing treatment in ER bed 2.

So, I wander over to the ER, and pull the chart for bed 2.
51yo female; cheif complaint - pneumonia x 3 months; vital wnl; in bold letters, I read, IS A DAILY HEROIN USER.

Great.

"Hi, DHU (daily heroin user), my name is IE from respiratory. I
have a breathing treatment for you."

"I got pneumonia for 3 months. cough. cough. I just finished a course
of antibiotics that didn't do nutin. cough. cough. I think I need to admitted
for IV antibiotics. cough. cough."

"Okay, here's your tx, let me take a listen....take a deep breath."

Now this lady was a clear as clear can be. But 'coughing' up a storm.

"How do I sound?" she asks me.

"Not too bad for having pnuemonia for 3 months."

"Oh," she says, "well can you make it worse than it is so they will admit
me?"

"Seriously? Just sit there and take your treatment and I'll be back
in a few minutes."

So I promptly found her nurse and informed him of our conversation.

Fast forward 10 minutes, I go to take DHU's tx off.

"Now what? Aren't you gonna give me some antibiotics? And pain meds?
This pneumonia is giving me alot of pain. At least a 9."

Now how did I know this was coming????

"Now you will wait for radiology for a chest xray and probably
another breathing treatment or too."

"Hhhmmmtt. I couldda done this at home."

Don't let the door hit ya....